Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The surgery

Johnathan ended up going back to surgery at 11:00. I remember waiting and calling everyone because it was taking a long time. All of his other surgeries were quick. Well, relatively, an hour and a half tops this one took 4 ½ hours. I kept having the lady at the desk call back to make sure everything was ok and then the surgeons kept calling out to let me know that everything was ok. It was terrible. I had no one waiting with me and I just felt so alone. I wasn’t expecting that because well, I have really never had anyone go with me to my children’s doctor appointments before. My next to youngest had surgery and I did that on my own also. But, I felt alone. Believe me there were a lot of people in there they all had family with them and I just looked at them and just started feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I know make it all about me I know, but, sometimes yes, I am selfish like that. When the hours drug on, all I could think about was what if he dies in there and there is no one here with me? I don’t think I can handle that. I prayed for a while, you know when you hand it over to God, it really does lift a burden off of your shoulders. I just kept praying, asking him to watch over him and help him and give him the strength and the doctors the wisdom and skillful hands. I called Stacy next and we talked for a while. She comforted me a lot during this time. She kept a calm and cool head. Don’t know how she did it but, she did.

Finally, at 3:25 that wonderful pager started buzzing and I freaked out. I was afraid of what they were going to tell me. I had to pray to make my feet move. Otherwise I think I would have just sat there for the next 5 years. I handed the pager to the secretary and she said that he just came out and he is doing good. She told me they would be bringing him out in a little bit and if I would sit over there I could see him come out. Dr. Goodwin would be a few minutes and then he would come out to talk to me.

You don’t know the inexplicable joy and relief that went over me when I seen him in his incubator wheeled down that hall with all the beeping and the flashing lights.

The report from the Doctor was well, let’s just say weird, and unsettling. He said when he opened JT up he seen things he had never seen before. And this man has been a surgeon for over 30 years. They also found evidence that he suffered from NEC again and a lot of adhesions. Adhesions are scar material that is very painful. So, he cut him in 3 places and reconnected. And he did a tuck and flip and put fluid through 3 times to make sure that everything flowed and there were no leaks. (sometimes I tell you when he talked to me I felt like I was talking to an auto mechanic.)

So, it was after that, I made a mad dash to the elevator to go watch them get JT all settled and so that I could go see him for my own eyes. I just sat there on the little toddler table just watching a praying. I got a few waves here and there and smiles and a couple of thumbs up. Even if you know that there are going to be at least 10 people around your baby working on him to get him settled it is still a scary sight. I was mixed with apprehension, nervousness, and joy that he made it through but, still scared for the days that lay ahead. Recovery for JT was never nice on him. He got complication after complication and this time would be no different.

1 comment:

sumi said...

Thanks for having the courage to share, Bobby. I know it is not easy for you but I am sure your story (and JT's story) will bless many.