When I got in to see him it was a relief. He was really sedated. The ventilator was doing all the work for him and I just whispered I loved him and that everything would be fine and he did great!!! I held his hand for a little while and just sat with him. I was really afraid to touch him because I didn’t want to hurt him. This surgery scared me that much. I was told he will probably be on the ventilator for a few days this time and they had a fentynal drip going for pain and it was at a high dosage because they wanted to keep him sedated. They didn’t want him to move at all.
The evening Stacy and I went up there to see him it was really scary because he was puffed up to twice his normal size which meant that he was retaining a lot of water. I mean to the point when they repositioned him you could see it move. And his eyes were bruised looking. He was in a lot of pain when they touched him to do his care, I seen him raise up off of the bed. He was trying to cry and pull out his vent. They gave him an extra shot of his fentanyl and it took a good 20 minutes for him to finally calm down.
I just wanted my baby back. The one that would just look at me like I was crazy. That I could cuddle and hold and make crazy conversation with. I am sure I mentioned this, but, people probably thought we were crazy. We talked and talked and talked to JT. I mean we held conversations with him about everything under the sun. I remember this one couple beside us. They always had a lot of family visit. I mean a lot like a family reunion up there. Which is great that means that they had wonderful family support. But, the baby would just sit in the crib and they would sit there and talk and hardly ever acknowledge the baby. We never stopped talking to JT. He was our world, our attention was all him. Unless he was asleep but, then that really didn’t stop us, we would wake him up. And 9 times out of 10 he wouldn’t care. I had to tell him about our day and what every one had been doing. Even when we were talking to doctor’s and such, we always included him. Talk and touch that was our motto. That was basically all that I had.
Back to JT. We took some pics while we were up there because even in the sedated state he was still hilarious. He was sleeping with his hand up to his face one finger on his lip as if to say….”wonder what they are gonna do this time?”
Come visit me……. - I have started a new blog…It is a hodpodge of this or that but, mostly about my counseling with the hubby and getting out life and marriage back on track… ...
4 years ago